come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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