His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
babies were throwing up all over the place
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
