didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize