if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
