Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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