Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
please come you make the beer taste better
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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