The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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