Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
