Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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