I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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