Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
