I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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