you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
it's like heaven, but drunker
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
