I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
