All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize