guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
