Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
