Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
