Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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