I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
