i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
