The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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