found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
