Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
