Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
