Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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