I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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