The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
where am i from again
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
