he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
