I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
