i may or may not be watching the land before time
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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