Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
And then he peed in my hair
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