God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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