omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
