i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
