just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize