Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
