She is in my trunk
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i think i just lost a toe
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
