Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
