How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
