Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
