Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize