I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
