thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize