Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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