Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
