I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
