the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
