I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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