I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
