okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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