These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
