Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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