is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
