During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
