Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
