My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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