god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
