I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So much rum. So many feels.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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