I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
foreskin is a definite game changer
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
