OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
