I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize