..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
