Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
