I'm jealous of your bromance
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
