UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Actions speak louder than pants.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's never too late to be topless.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
