I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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