plz talk dirty to me
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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