fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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