You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I am one with the molecules
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
