with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
