I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize