I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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