but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
