is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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