and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize