well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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