im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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