well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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