dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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