I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
