He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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