I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just threw up on my dentist
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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