My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
