I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
