note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
