If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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