Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
