Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize