God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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