were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
