Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
