Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
