where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
