Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
