i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
