you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You left your phone here
Wait...
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