there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
