You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize