and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
