Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
