in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
