omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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