So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
