Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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