In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Houston, we have a blender
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
