I just saw a hot homeless man
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
