i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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