We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
