She's JV to your varsity
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
