Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
