Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
