he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
